NOTE : For a change no poetry now! It is a re-post as my first upload (due to some tech problem on Sulkeha) went broke! Cheers! -KRISHNA BAALU/26-04-2008
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NOTE: I DID TRY TO POST AS WE DO REGULARLY -SOME TROUBLE I AM FACING-NOT ACCEPTING WORD COPY AND PASTE! I TRIED ALL MEANS-BUT FAILED-THE WINDOW OPENS AS FAILED- THIS TIME ONLY THE TITLE APPEARED- I AM SORRY-NOW M PASTING IN COMMENTS COLUMN AND TAKING A CHANCE-SORRY-KB
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*CONDITIONS APPLY!/08-12-2007

My wife is passionate too, for shopping and fervent for SALE offers a la many other women on this planet earth. My wife can not be an exception to this pleasant womanly nature.

“Buy one get one free”- syndrome!

One fine morning the squeal went in reverse direction as against the customary one from kitchen to drawing hall, asking me to check the newspaper for such ads!

This Sunday morning, it happened to be my turn by accident. , I shouted ‘Vinnaavaa?? I mean “did you hear dear?”

“Some one called me over phone! It seems you won a prize in a competition. They have invited both of us for a pleasant presentation with a surprise gift pack in the after noon …….… did you ever participate in any competition dear”?

My wife never bothered to respond to my query but seems to got the message and almost started getting ready for the go!.  But vanished from the kitchen in no time, mercilessly canceling my Coffee order,  and landed before the dressing mirror.

“Hay! Not now dear it is in the afternoon!

‘Oh! then what did you say”?

"I said OK if it is so, we will make it”

"Did they invite both of us"? Her common sense on work now!

"Yes she did invite both of us-she was very specific too"!

“I am lucky dear it was you who won the prize and I too got in to it”

"Ok! Then what about our movie program"

"Damn it goli maaro! Next week"!

Abruptly my common sense too started functioning.

Err! How come I did not check with the caller several factors but plainly overwhelmed on hearing about the so called competition.

My wife came out in dazzling attire, in normal Sunday’s she would at least take equal to a movie time!

We reached Paradise Circle and went to the office of the caller.

A Grand welcome was awaiting us, unpredictably, the event reminiscent of escorting scenes of a Miss World Competition.

The table where we sat was decked to host a Bill Clinton stature.  By the time we settled, my wife accomplished her dream and started staring at it on an adjoining table.  The looming and alluring Gifts nicely wrapped in Eastman color papers. A few of them kept on the table.

 I whispered pressing her palm “Do not look at it so often we look stupid"

 "Lo aagaya-they are coming"

Before us stood a couple (err! marketing couple) a good looking young man and a lady. 

After customary exchange of greetings they said we were in to a big treat!  Going to watch a life time presentation on the screen. We were getting ready for the show. By then another couple of couples landed there. Till then it was a suspense what the presentation was all about?

.

Lo! Finally, it was all about a holiday resort in a deep Forest!

I was overjoyed and turned to my wife, oh! No!  She is fixed at the other table.

“Isshhh……dear” I tapped the table gently to draw her attention.

Finally they arrived and sat before us. They started explaining their Holiday Resorts and time sharing concept. Finally we asked for the price! They started with the habitual opening lines “Well sir, in fact it is a very costly package but on promotion we are offering very low price especially for you, (I wondered why?). I was restless and finally pressed for the net price circumventing all other formalities still to go! (This is the blunder I did and realized late!)

Sir, it is just only Rs Three lakshs……..”

??!!!!!???!!##

I fell in to a short duration daze and managing myself, by holding my wife’s hand.

We were confused. We started counting the zeros suffixed before the number 3, and got the confirmation verbally and then started fainting on the table.

We were so affronted but finally managed to say firmly ‘Sorry’No”

Matter did not end there but we were so foolishly waiting for the promised Gift!

A promise is a promise, is not it?

‘Sir, in fact these are small Gifts like a flower vase, beautiful candles, small erasers and pencil sets for your kids”

We were waiting for the gift as the lady who called me over phone promised me  a sure gift for just attending the presentation.

When I pressed for it, they said coolly “Sir in fact, these gifts were meant for those who booked the Resorts on the spot.”

????????

 
“Oh! is it so”?

My mood got worsened. Then I raised my voice a little bit and told him;

“She said there is a sure gift for just attending the presentation-and confirmed the fact that it was not an obligation to book one”

"Yes sir, she did say that but did you hold the receiver for a while"?

" No!" I said amusely!

" Oh sir, in fact if you had held the receiver for a while when she finished her marketing talk, I mean a few more seconds, you would have heard another bhavishya vaani off course in a low voice whispering'?

" what it would have been"

" You might have heard her saying "Conditions Apply"

"What???????"

"Yes sir, Conditions apply"

“Are you kidding”?

“No sir certainly not I am serious”!

" such  stupid lines will appear only in news papers in print ads, in smaller font than the body of the text, and such tactics are  not possible in telemarketing"! you realise"?

" Yes Sir, I reaslise but it could appear or heard over telemarketing too in similar way”

" How?????????"

" She would have whispered in a low pitch voice "conditions apply” after a pause of few seconds! I am afraid you ought to have kept the receiver by then”

"whaaaaaaatttttttt????????"

“Conditions apply over teleophone marketing too???? Ok, tell me then, now what all about the condition and how it is a matter now?

Yes Sir, the gift pack is offered provided you book the package!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

“But she said a sure gift if we just appear in the vicinity?”

“Yes sir, provided you should never say NO till end”

“What end”?

“Just now ended sir”

We almost went mad!

We were made a laughable stuff, and to avoid any further mediocre, we started searching the exit gate and ran through it.

We rushed back home cursing our fate and regretting for having wasted that beautiful Sunday.

Next morning as I was standing out side our house, and our neighbor Dadaji was calling an Auto Ricksha with the day’s English daily in his hand.

 Dadaji is an ex-service man aged around 75 Yrs but living alone as his wife passed away a couple of years ago.

“Dadaji, where are you heading?”

“Beta I saw an ad in the paper, some benevolent Business Tycoon is organizing a get together for senior citizens and ex-service men above 75 yrs, to honor them for their contribution to the society”

“But beta I could not read that part “Conditions Apply” as its type size is too small,

 Could you read out to me?”

I was stuck at the “Conditions apply’!!!

This time I could not hold the hand of the old man and hence turned back and held our iron gate to balance my self.

“Dadaji –there is a condition to participate in the function”

“What is that Beta?”

“You should participate along with your spouse”

A Supernatural silence prevailed for a while between us!

The old man started shaky!

Sensing trouble I shouted for “Sorbitrate”.

KRISHNA BAALU/08-12-2007